You are far more Buddha-like than you think.

This was so not what I meant to write last night. *facepalm*

Quidquid deliquisti
Supernatural; girl!Sam/Dean; au; spoilers through 4.10; adult; 1,620 words
Sam can't throw stones.

Thanks to mousapelli for listening to my titling woes.

( let he who is without sin cast the first stone )

~*~

Feedback is always welcome.

~*~

I had this awful dream last night where someone on my flist sent me links to go look at a community that was rehabbing and woobiefying the Comedian because he's being played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I threw up a little in my mouth. And then I woke up and was a little queasy at how plausible the dream was.

Night before last, I dreamt I went on a bunch of job interviews. *shudder* On the upside, I was apparently Pam Beesly in the dream, so I got to make out with Jim Halpert.

Speaking of whom, John Krasinski and Zachary Levi need to star in something together. Think of the adorable!

I don't even know. I was hoping to have fic to post, but as always lately, I have distracted myself from writing again.

*goes back to it*

***

Saw this over at Andrew Sullivan's blog and had to share -- so beautiful:

Fourth Estate's twenty-fifth anniversary

Fourth Estate are publishers located in the UK.

Okay, now change.gov is posting Wordle "word clouds" of Tom Daschle's health care talk on their website.

I swear, it's only a matter of time before Obama starts posting memes, Biden begins to upload his chatlogs, and Rahm Emanuel starts to post self-insert RPF.

The fandom-as-relationship meme, gacked this time from minim_calibre:

(Is this about sources or about fandoms? Because my responses might be different. Um. And I added one, which I mentioned in my comments last time I did this.)

The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it: X-Men Movieverse, I think, even still. Because by the time HP killed off Remus, I'd already moved on. But I can't even enjoy rereading my XMM stuff. I get queasy thinking about it. And I've never even seen X3. I could also put Gilmore Girls here, because wow, I am STILL bitter.

The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets: HP. Firefly. BtVS/Angel. West Wing. Sports Night. What? I have a lot of fandoms!

The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized ze really was fucking crazy: Veronica Mars.

The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved ze doesn't actually live in town: Dark Angel.

The steady: Supernatural. It's not the healthiest relationship, but it's happy-making when it's working, and oh, boy, has it been working this season.

The one you repeatedly cheat on your steady with: Ocean's Eleven. Iron Man.

The one you find yourself too tongue-tied to do anything but stare at adoringly, clinging to hir every word: Battlestar Galactica. I really want to write BSG fic, but all my brain wants to do is go ZOMG KARA IS AWESOME. So.

The alluring stranger whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with: in terms of writing: Bones. I'd like to write Bones, but I just can't get motivated. Mostly because the show is giving me what I want re: Booth/Brennan. I still need to write that SPN crossover, though.

The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't: again in terms of writing: Chuck. I love watching it and talking about it, but I have almost no interest in reading or writing fic for it. Same goes for Pushing Daisies.

The one you think you might marry, but you need to spend some more time together: Friday Night Lights (though again, not necessarily from a writing standpoint) It was rocky last season, but wow, it pulled itself up out of that rough patch beautifully.

The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool peep except it's never really gone anywhere: Life. I just never actually remember it's on.

The one you slept with on the rebound who still smiles at you, yet you have no interest in any more: House.

The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at hir and thinking, "Hir? How the hell did ze land all these cool babes?": SGA

The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom ze keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for hir except you just know it's going to end badly: Heroes. Well. It kind of already has, no?

***

And I know it's not funny, really, but the more I read about the whole Plaxico Burress thing, the more hilarious I find it. He used Harris Smith as his alias in the hospital, and told them he got shot at Applebee's. (source) I can't even... I don't have words for that level of WTFery.

Apparently Mad-Eye Moody was right and you shouldn't shove a loaded gun into your sweatpants: YOU COULD LOSE A BUTTOCK!

***

[eta] From the AWESOME files: ZOMBIE HAIKU:

Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.

*dies*

***

I just saw this on the feed for change.gov (i.e., the website of the office of the President-Elect). Link to the full story here.

President-elect Obama has championed the creation of a more open, transparent, and participatory government. To that end, Change.gov adopted a new copyright policy this weekend. In an effort to create a vibrant and open public conversation about the Obama-Biden Transition Project, all website content now falls under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License: [...]

Change.gov has incorporated additional features designed to make the Transition more accessible and its content more open and re-useable. For every video posted – from the weekly addresses, to press conferences, to speeches, to “Inside the Transition” pieces – there are links to high-resolution QuickTime video files beneath embedded videos (these are also available via the Transition’s podcast), so that the video can be saved to a computer and edited at will. The Obama-Biden Transition Team is continuing to explore ways to use new media to create a more transparent Transition. This is part of an ongoing planning process to create a 21st century government that is more transparent, participatory, and effective.

(I wonder if Obama and Co would like an account with the OTW's Archive of Our Own? *g*)

Further in the series of fanfic stories that I want, don't want to write and no one will write for me...

I want the Pretty Woman story where Edward follows exactly in his father's footsteps: marries the poor Vivienne and eventually ends up cheating on her and divorcing her for someone richer and more appropriate. I don't really want Vivienne and Edward to end up bitter enemies or anything, I just want something about Edward's inelasticity to change and how he shoots himself in the foot with it and a Vivienne who feels bad for him and did her best to change/help him but in the end, had to go her own way and not be Edward's Pygmalion anymore. And she's okay and Edward's kind of not.

Um. Or something.

I realize I never posted about last week's Bones. ( spoilers )

Then tonight I watched Pushing Daisies. I am still incredibly SAD that it's been cancelled, because its AWESOME CANNOT BE TEXTUALLY RENDERED. ( spoilers ) I am going to miss the show so much - it kind of hurts to watch knowing there is so little left - but I will be looking forward to the dvds.

And then there was Chuck. ( spoilers )

***

I can't believe it's December already. Wasn't it just February? What the hell happened to this year? I guess that means it's time for the monthly wrap-up.

Top 5 songs - November 2008

5. Handle Bars - the Flobots

4. Dilaudid - the Mountain Goats

3. Devil's Playground - Gram Rabbit

2. Deep Red Bells - Neko Case

1. It's a Shame About Ray - Lemonheads

~*~

Monthly writing round-up – November 2008

Riddle Me This
Supernatural; Dean and Sam; pg; 1,020 words
Sam and Dean meet a sphinx. Hijinks ensue.

I've never been too good with names (but I remember faces)
Supernatural; Sam and Dean; pg; spoilers through 4.08; 8,330 words
Dean's glad that Sam is focusing on the case and not what Dean can't or won't say about what he remembers.

Angel Radio
Supernatural; Dean/Anna; spoilers through the promo for 4.10; adult; 2,545 words
"The world could end tomorrow."

Tale as Old as Time
Supernatural; Dean; g; no spoilers; 1,880 words
"You're the one who's so great with kids, or so you keep telling me."

A Moveable Feast
Supernatural; Mary, John, Dean, Sam; g; 2,675 words
Five Winchester Thanksgivings

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Considering all my bitching about not being able to write, it was a pretty good month. I guess I am just frustrated with a number of my wsip, and also, I keep forgetting to forward myself the catchallathon document so I can work on that. I am pretty happy with these stories, though, especially "I've never been too good with names," which turned out almost exactly like I wanted it to, even though I didn't realize that while I was writing. Thanks again to everyone who's commented. I really appreciate it, more than I can say.

~*~

I also updated unfitforsociety this morning with 22 recs for November 2008:

* 13 Supernatural
* 3 Dark Angel
* 2 Iron Man
* 2 Crossovers
* 1 each Friday Night Lights and Anne of Green Gables

~*~

the "Be Pete Wentz" meme:

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. The first lines of twenty songs = a poem; the first line of the twenty-first song is the title

( breathe it in and breathe it out )

Huh. That's not half bad. I didn't write down the songs, but I think most of them are obvious. I suppose if I were more ambitious, I'd have uploaded each of them, 'cause it's not a bad mix, either.

It's only Monday. I do not know how I am going to survive this week. Wah.

~*~

Hi, folks. Many of you will have read back in October (on Making Light and other blogs) about Scraps (Soren) DeSelby (aka, baldanders), a freelance copyeditor who suffered a hemorrhagic stroke.

The most recent updates say that he's progressing in his convalescence (starting to walk again, etc.), but as he had no health insurance, money is a problem - and will likely continue to be for the foreseeable future.

I only know him by reputation, but many of his friends (and friends of friends) have been involved with fund-raising efforts to help defray the costs of medical treatment.

One of my own friends - sykii - is selling prints of her [quite wonderful] photos for the first time as part of this fund-raising effort. If you get a moment, please visit her journal (here), and see if you might be able to help out with this worthy cause.

[woodsmoke will always tell old stories]
adult
sam/girl dean, past sam/ruby
4980 words

notes: au. Dean is a girl and always has been.



In the backseat the leather is cold on her legs. It’s early November and she’s wondering where things went wrong. She remembers back in July, the way his fingers felt on her back, moving in tiny ticklish circles; her body aches for him in ways she’s never known before.

Title: Journey's End
Author: seleneheart
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: PG
Summary: Decades after the events of 'Stealing Home,' Sam takes Dean back to Georgia.
Warnings: highlight - Major character death
Word count: ~2,400
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, not for profit
Feedback: Yes!
Archive: Worlds Undreamed Of
Author's Note: This is a sequel of sorts to Stealing Home, but set far into the future.

Dawn broke as the plane descended over the coastal lowlands.

Oh my god, you guys, it is SO FUCKING HOT in my apartment right now. I am sitting here in my underwear with the window open, but the heat is still banging in the pipes. If I disappear, it's probably because I've been broiled to death. *fans self*

*

I was very happy to see the Giants did not, in fact, need Plaxico Burress to win. Let's hope that keeps up. I still am all WTF? about the whole thing. He literally shot himself in the foot leg. *shakes head* The depths of dumbness required for that are best not plumbed.

*

This week, Katee Sackhoff is on Law & Order. I may actually watch in first run for that. They're actually advertising her like she's a big star or something. I am a little confused.

I've mentioned the Chuck casting spoiler, right? ( casting spoiler ) Now if they would just get Lena Olin to show up as Chuck and Ellie's mom. That would be so BEYOND AWESOME.

*

You guys, I am having trouble writing. I am having plotting issues again. I was rereading some of resonant8's posts on plot, and other stuff about writing I've got in my memories, and I just...I find it really difficult to come up with an external plot that is complicated enough to be interesting, but not needlessly complicated, and something that doesn't rely on Sam and Dean being idiots to work. And obviously that somehow underlines or illustrates something going on with Sam and Dean, which is kind of the whole point, anyway. The plot is just a macguffin, but I'd like it to be one that keeps people reading until the emoporn hits, you know? I recently read something that, well, the whole problem could have been prevented if Sam had just done ten minutes of research, and since it's Sam, not only was it annoying that he didn't do the research if I thought of it, but it was out of character for him to not do it, since, hi, have you met Sam, the walking encyclopedia of weird? But there would have been no story if he had. Or the writer would have had to have come up with a way around the answer research would have given him. And that is the kind of thing I am really really bad at in my own stories (though I can sometimes spot them in other people's).

But I just had a conversation with angelgazing and she made some suggestions, and while it's a lot more complicated now (possibly more complicated than I can handle, as plot and I are unmixy things), I think it's also more interesting and it's got more of a story to hang the emoporn on. It might also take me a really long time to figure out and write, but it's not like I don't have a whole list of other thigns I want to write, too.

In my frustration with that last night, I ended up banging out (no pun intended) some snarky up-against-a-wall Dean/Bela smut:

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Because there's no other way Bela got the hand of glory out of his jacket pocket. And I am still bitter we never got any Dean/Bela angry sex in canon.

*

Seriously, I think I'm melting.

*

Title: Journey's End
Author: seleneheart
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: PG
Summary: Decades after the events of 'Stealing Home,' Sam takes Dean back to Georgia.
Warnings: highlight - Major character death
Word count: ~2,400
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, not for profit
Feedback: Yes!
Archive: Worlds Undreamed Of
Author's Note: This is a sequel of sorts to Stealing Home, but set far into the future.

Dawn broke as the plane descended over the coastal lowlands.

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Thanks to amberlynne for looking it over. Written for the West Wing title project.

( 'You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex.' )

~*~

Feedback is adored.

~*~

Nano Goal:

50,048 / 50,000 (100.1%)

Estimated Story Completion:

50,048 / 75,000 (66.7%)

Today's word count: 3,148
Current Total Word Count: 50,048 \o/

What's bad: I am SO high right now on actually making goal that I'm having a really difficult time of thinking of anything bad. I suppose the "worst" thing is that 50K later, I'm still only about 2/3 finished with the novel. But as worst things go, I'll definitely take it. I'm also worried--though only slightly, mind you--that there's too much smut. Yeah, I don't know either. I never said my fears are rational. And then, lastly, I'd say I'm worried about audience perception of Matt. I don't think he's unmasculine but I'm worried that not everyone will agree with me.

What's good: Matt finally opened up. True, it took a full on emotional breakdown, but the poor boy had it coming. He was holding in a lot more than I thought he was. And I think it really opened him up to think more critically about what happened to him than he did before and recognize that what happened to him wasn't just wrong from a personal perspective, it was wrong, period. I love how what happened to Matt is changing Gabe, too, though he's much less cognizant of his change. Whether he knows it or not, Gabe has already accepted Matt as his mate. And that's kind of awesome. I just have to move Gabe to a place where he can recognize that.

Also, I have the best flist. Seriously. Thank you guys so much for being so patient and so supportive--over the last month and for the last few years. You make it worth chewing through the restraint straps, every time.

What pleases me: "I don't think you're fragile," Gabe says, pushing his face so close to Matt's that Matt nearly can't see him in the blood-dusk darkness. "Or weak. Or less than a man. It's respect, Matt, and you're goddamn well going to get used to it from me. Understand?"

Okay, okay: I couldn't resist.

( Stolen from everyone everywhere )

I was the designated reccer for Supernatural this month on crack_van. Like most recs lists, crack_van is hit or miss for most people, and especially so in SPN, where so many of the reccers disappeared without making a full complement of recs for their month. I tried to make up for that by reccing a full 12 stories, plus 1 crossover and 1 vid. And I'd have recced more if the rules allowed it. *g*

all of these have appeared on unfitforsociety, where my recs live, but these are somewhat more expanded (and they all include excerpts) from those recs. I just wanted to have them all in one place for my own reference, as I'm sure I'll sign up again to rec soon, and I don't want to repeat myself.

Hopefully you'll find something you haven't already read, and something you like, amongst these 13 stories (and one vid). If you do, you should let the author(s) know. And as always, I am interested in knowing if the recs work for you. Now that the notes field in delicious is longer, I may start writing recs that consist of more than one sentence again. *g*

anyway, here are the recs:

Mockingbird by hiyacynth

( what I said about it )

~*~

Homing by sophiap

( what I said about it )

***

Tchaikovsky's Another One Bites The Dust by uschickens

( what I said about it )

***

i just got out when i did to prove the exit route was clear by minervacat

( what I said about it )

***

Hiding in Plain Sight by joosetta

( what I said about it )

***

I Got Me a Nice Little Place in the Stars by luzdeestrellas

( what I said about it )

***

Harvester of Eyes by gwendolyngrace

( what I said about it )

***

Like the Sea by caelumi

( what I said about it )

***

Plant Your Flag on a Fault Line by tripoli8

( what I said about it )

***

the quaint tragedies we invent by winter_baby

( What I said about it )

***

I Dunno Third Base by vee_fic

( what I said about it )

***

Beach Blanket Poltergeist by hansbekhart

( what I said about it )

***

We Could Be Heroes by missyjack

( what I said about it )

***

And the vid rec: Bricks by Luminosity

( What I said about it )

***

That was fun. *g*

***

Cross-posted to my LJ

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all! Even those who have already celebrated or who don't celebrate -- it's always give to good thanks. Most of the time I'm not sure to whom I'm offering thanks, unless it's to a specific individual or group of people, but even so, I believe in being aware and appreciative.

The Last Good Name wrote a wonderful Thanksgiving post, She wrote And I love Thanksgiving because it's about giving thanks and speaking your gratitude to others, and ( I'm going to emulate her: )

One of the many things I'm grateful for is Cate on LJ, and her terrific ideas, like the recurring McSmooch festival. For this go round, start here, a charming and sweet little story by Kass Rachel and start clicking the little green arrow to the right. Around sixty stories, containing many John/Rodney kisses, and for that, I am deeply grateful.

I wrote two little smoochies this time: The Darkest Evening of the Year and John smiles -- which was an awfully lot of fun to write. Only two sentences long!

Finally, I want to share two columns from favorite writers of mine. First, Anne Lamott's Thanksgiving column. She's a Christian and I sure as hell am not, but I still really liked it and it really resonated with me. I do not speak for my church when I say, Hah hah.

And Jon Carroll's annual Thanksgiving column. But still we have to get through the day. And, I am convinced, the route through the day is gratitude.

46,900 / 50,000 (93.8%)

Today's word count: 3,883
Current Total Word Count: 46,900

What's bad: Getting Matt to talk is worse than pulling teeth. For someone who's so convinced he's not really a man, he's got that trait down pat. I have set the stage for him to open up beautifully and he wILL NOT TAKE THE OPENING. He's also being a lot more emo than I was expecting, though that's my fault, because if I'd thought it through, I'd have KNOWN this part would hit him hard. I'm also worried I'm not discerning what *I* know about Matt from what Gabriel has/can concluded about Matt enough. It's not a major worry, but it's always a little hard when you know more than your character to not make those big leaps.

What's good: Really, those two nitpicks aside, everything is great. I've made really good progress, the flow is not the direction, entirely, that I want, but there is flow. The encounter with Bardou went a hundred times better than I thought it would, hitting both Matt and Gabe in the right emotional centers for the scene to follow. Hopefully. If Matt will just open his goshdarned mouth. I think this scene is going to be more pivotal than I was thinking. I knew it was important, but I don't think I realized quite how much; the point where they're opening themselves to the reality of more than just sex, instead of just the possibility of more.

What pleases me: "Ah. Well." Bardou pauses, a vaguely puzzled expression on his face as if his mental script doesn't have instructions on how to proceed from here. Then, like a punch card music box starting over, he straightens and brightens. "Well! It's good to see you, Matt. Good to see Martin letting you take on more responsibility. It's past time, if you ask me; you're not a pup, to be kept at your mother's heels. I used to wonder what Martin was thinking. It's not like you were going to be the alpha, even without all that coddling." He gives Matt a friendly punch on the arm. "Good to see you all grown up." When he looks at Gabe, Bardou's gaze noticeably cools. "Ferris."